What my honest IAS officer neighbour's death taught me...
As I sip on my filter coffee my mind is racing through the number of changes we've had happen in the last month or so.
We took what some people would call a 'risk' by initiating a move back to India from Singapore last year. It was a little scary for all the comforts we would leave behind as well as for the usual safety reasons. (When I felt this decision in my heart I always had an open expansive sensation which showed me that I was going in the right direction. But most times it was my mind that went on an analysis spree!)
Last night as we sat in our living room, I was just about to click the link to finally buy the book "The Fear Cure" when we began hearing wailing sounds from two floors beneath ours where IAS officer Ravi had been found hanged (it hasn't been established if it was a suicide or murder but I am pretty sure it's murder), my first reaction was that of fear.
My mind raced through the numerous reasons why this move was a bad idea. We weren't safe in a country, in a city like this, inspite of being in a gated community manned by security. Of course the fear was accompanied by disillusionment and frustration about the deadly corruption that is a wide-spread illness of the system.
Yes the IAS officer lived in the same condo and same block as ours and after having read about his work, his courage and his story I have immense respect for him. I pray for the strength of his family who's pain we witnessed last night.
And that teaches me somethings, reiterating the lessons that I need to learn:
1. My fearful self wants to recoil, make sure I do my best to not let my husband travel, perhaps even plan a move back to Singapore but my true self, the part of me which is beyond fear wants to continue to live the way someone who was beyond fear would. Which is with an open heart, paying attention to the things I want to create more of, with my life in this city.
2. My fears want me to make sure I take a back seat, not travel alone late, not dress in a way that I catch attention. My loving spirit self wants me to act out of common sense instead of fear. This part of me knows that when I get out of the fear zone, my instincts work better so that I can define and stay out of danger in most situations.
3. My fearful self wants to take a corporate job, get the monthly pay cheque and not go out there and speak about things that are controversial or difficult to discuss. But my loving spirit self wants me to fearlessly own my life and speak my truth.
As I question the role of fear I see right in front of my eyes the example of a man who lived and acted fearlessly. Yes it's a huge loss to the whole family and the nation, but if his life was his message, he made it exactly the way he wanted it to be.