A 100 battles before I start my first..
There's a unique phenomenon that I am witness to every day. From the time I decided to be a work from home mother I've had this happen with me every single day.
This phenomenon begins every morning as soon as I wake up and goes late into the day. It included me trying to balance, let me correct that, trying to perfectly balance my motherhood, with my business role and my home maker responsbilities.
Somehow, these responsbilities, even though they sound simple, are multi-directional and can result in a vicious circle that engulfs me...
No wonder then that my shoulders began to hurt the month I was reborn as a mother!
Let me explain:
My husband wakes up spends a beautiful 1/2-1hour with my 3 year old in a blissful dialogue and game session which ends in her having been showered and ready! (I know! what a beautiful way of sharing responsibilities!). On the other hand, I wake up with a slight pain in my shoulders, I get on my mat and practice yoga and somehow my mind drifts to the dialogue with my mother in law about how to arrange a part of the kitchen. I begin to think about how she should be doing something to occupy herself so she isn't so busy trying to get things done at home. (I'd rather do them myself because even with her best intentions I am the one who doesn't want to lose control of everything)
I then proceed to wonder about how my toddler's upbringing will be affected by my decisions. I also put into perspective the nutrition needs of the family and my own and think of all the things that I need to put in place for this to run more smoothly.
By the time it's 10am, I am working in my head the various things that need to change around the house, Also, I have doubted myself 6 times and wondered if I am being a good mom by stepping out to work.
No wonder then that I am exhausted before I even begin my day! Now that I've noticed this phenomenon, I am working towards correcting some of the pieces to make things easier on myself!
I think it boils down to these words, that I wrote in a silent moment last evening:
f i knew I had nothing to prove Wouldn't my eyes shine brighter?
If I knew I was enough the way I am Wouldn't my spirit be more palpable?
If I engulfed myself in full acceptance Wouldn't my radiance be more visible?