Is your first ever breakup still keeping your heart from beating it's full potential? Are your teenage bullies still haunting your insides? Is the trauma from your abuse still holding your body hostage? Is the miscarriage you had years ago still stored as grief in your womb?
As children we learnt to naturally process our emotions through healthy display. If we were angry we hit. If we were sad we mouped and if we were happy we jumped. Unfortunately, most adults around us weren't comfortable with the idea of us expressing our emotions so openly because it seemed 'unacceptable'.
Which is why they frequently used different means to shut us up. "Stop crying right now, Or I'll have to send you inside the bathroom with the monster". "Stop hitting right now or you'll get a really big whack". In short the message that was driven into us, and which settled right down to our bones by adulthood is "Stop being angry, disappointed, sad, frustrated or whatever else you're feeling right now, because everything is fine!"
If we had a favourite cat on the street that came under a car one day and died and we allowed ourselves to express our overwhelming grief over it, we'd have moved through our pain within days - in a way that was healthy and full. But on the other hand, if our grief was misconstrued as being indulgent and we were asked to stop being sad or low about it and cheer up and be a good girl, then we'd have suppressed our emotions to the extent that they remain buried within us without expression. Thus closing up a part of ourselves within!
When there is no satisfactory closure to an event that negatively affected your life, you will continue to hold on to the energies generated by your emotional response to it.
So let's look at 5 ways you can heal your past to bring back health and vitality to your life:
1. Expressing the emotion:
In the latest edition of "Find Your Rhythm" releasing Oct'2015, I wrote about how every emotion I felt, every difficult situation that I had witnessed and found myself incapable of handling was stored in my body somewhere. I also shared stories in the book that give us a glimpse into how our bodies process emotions and how illnesses can start with the very first imbalances that happen when we feel and deny our negative emotions instead of expressing and dealing with them effectively.
The best way to release the hold that these past situations have had on you is to allow yourself to visualize that situation and move through the emotions you felt at the time. So either with a trusted friend, a professional coach or by yourself on a piece of paper, write down the situation and how it made you feel, in as much detail as possible. If tears come out, anger takes you over or your body feels other sensations just breathe through and allow them to be - without any judgement.
This way you would have given yourself the chance to process your emotions and let go of the baggage from the unresolved portions.
2. Questioning Beliefs:
A great way to heal your past is to question the beliefs that you hold close to your heart. If you believe you're a bad painter, a sucky artist, a horrible driver or a nervous speaker, you probably imbibed those beliefs from what other people around you said or believed about you. But just because they said so, doesn't mean it has to be true.
Here's an example: Rose believes she needs to have male friends to feel cool and wanted. She is shy and somehow able to only make friends with girls. Much later in adulthood she still feels inadequate and uncool because of her underlying belief that if she doesnt have male friends she is somehow 'uncool'. If she allows herself to go into the core of why she is feeling inadequate and then question her beliefs about being 'cool' then she will be able to release the hold that her peers thinking has had on her!
3. Reconnecting with your truth:
"I believe that the body is a house for the soul, which is in turn a part of the infinite consciousness that is eternal and boundless. In that sense I am connected with the plants and the animals and everything else around me. The faith in this universal connection comes from reflecting on this truth and allowing it to come into my feeling and experience.
This connection is what makes me realize the intelligence that is orchestrating the whole universe also resides within me. Which means I always have the answers, and so do you.
It’s only a matter of coming back and creating my life from that place of knowingness, that intelligence, that truth within.
Remembering this is what brings me back to myself when I seek answers to important questions." FInd Your Rhythm, Oct 2015.
Creating strong connections with this truth within allows healing to happen, every single day in many different ways.
4. Leaning Into A Safe Space
This is originally why your therapist's office was the place you went to, to heal your past. But honestly, this safe space is rare to find and something worthwhile to continue working on. If we can have this in a few different forms it's really a beauitful gift we can give ourselves! Also we can create this for others.
There are only a few musts. It should be 100% non-judgemental. It should be from someone who can really listen and offer full presence so that they can hear what is not being said too. And most of all, it has to be from someone who doesn't proactively offer advice or conclusions that might distract you.
Health coaches, life coaches, psychotherapists, spiritual counselors, mature understanding friends and in some cases parents can help us provide that space where we can tell our truth!.
Healing your past can be a long journey that can be sometimes scary, sometimes depressing but if you take the courage to follow through, it's the route that will allow you to go far beyond yourself. For me personally, it has been deeply rewarding in terms of giving me immense courage and enormous faith in myself and in the universe. I have had several clients and friends whose lives have transformed from these processes!
Here's wishing you a clean slate every new day :)
The Inner Voice Coach
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